Work on Dialogue in film
The rules of dialogue (From 'The Art and Science of Screenwriting' by Phil Parker-
We then wrote our own short scene based on a series of prompts, I chose 'A man tries to ask a woman out'. It went as follows:-
- It has clear dramatic function (eg. advances the story, reveals character)
- It relates to the visual aspect of the moment
- It is character specific
- It is economical (short and to the point)
- It reflects the style of the narrative
- It delivers only what the action and visuals cannot
- It is speech, not prose
We then wrote our own short scene based on a series of prompts, I chose 'A man tries to ask a woman out'. It went as follows:-
PHIL
So... I was thinking
JANE
Yeah?
PHIL
Well, more wondering than thinking...
JANE
Okay...?
PHIL
So, what I was wondering was, if you'd like to get a drink at some point? You know, don't feel like you have to say yes or-or anything, but- you know- the options there. More of an open request, like, imagine sort of a- a survey sheet- or- or-
JANE
I think I'd rather not Phil.
PHIL
Sure, sure... was it just that day, we could always do a different day-
JANE
You didn't suggest a day Phil.
PHIL
Saturday? No. No. That's- that's tomorrow... which is fine, you know, if you can I can sort of thing-
JANE
No, Phil.
PHIL
Fridays are good... for me, yeah... after work? So... three hours time? We could if you-
JANE
No thank you Phil.
PHIL
Monday? Oh- no sorry, I can't make Monday that's the- the... I'm busy so-
JANE
Phil, I have said no like five times now, please just stop.
PHIL
Okay- yeah- yeah... that's... fine- that's fine. (SHE IS ALREADY GONE) That's A-Okay. That's... ah... couldn't do tonight anyway so... lads night... so...
I think this script works quite well to capture the characters mannerisms, and especially the character of Phil who is very clearly developed here I feel. The dialogue obeys most of the rules, but fails slightly on the economical side. However, as Phil is cripplingly awkward it felt right to make him stammer and over-explain as it is essentially his core character trait. I think it works well in a comic way, but is relatively poor in other aspects, such as an actual sense of weight and gravity to the conversation. It's very clear he will get rejected and so the comedy comes form the painstaking process of his permanently trying to rearrange days despite the fact we know as an audience Jane will always say no. It's a simple lack of being able to read social cues on Phil's part.
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